Me, Myself & My Best-Self

Why our social health important: Practical Steps to Improve Your Social Life

• Claire Bennett

Share episode

Can social isolation really lead to premature death? Join me, Claire Bennett, as we explore this alarming connection in our latest episode, "The Importance of Social Connection." You'll discover how the global pandemic and technological advancements have shifted our social dynamics, escalating feelings of loneliness and increasing mental health risks. We'll break down the signs of poor social health versus good social health, emphasizing the need for a balanced, diverse network of relationships. From family bonds to community ties, we'll examine how each type of relationship uniquely contributes to our overall well-being.

Ready to enhance your social life and conquer social anxiety? Tune in for actionable tips that can transform your social connections. We'll cover everything from joining local hobby groups and volunteering to the importance of regular date nights. For those facing social anxiety, I share practical techniques to manage and reduce it, including seeking therapy and challenging negative thoughts. As we conclude, I encourage you to reflect on your own social ties and take meaningful steps to nurture them. Don't forget to share your thoughts and personal stories with me on Instagram at clairefullliving. Stay connected and stay healthy!

Speaker 1:

Welcome to Me, myself and my Best Self, the podcast where we navigate the labyrinth of personal growth with a relaxed and realistic approach. I'm Claire Bennett, your host Now. Over the past couple of months, I've had numerous conversations with friends, family and clients about social connection, and the more and more of us are assessing the quality and quantity of our relationships and our level of social connection that we have in our lives. Now. The global pandemic and the rise of technology have fundamentally changed how we interact with each other. While these shifts have brought some conveniences, they've also led to a significant decline in face-to-face interactions. This decrease in social connection has far-reaching implications for both our mental and physical health. In this episode, we'll explore the impact of social connection on our well-being and discuss ways to cultivate meaningful connections in our lives Now. I know people that don't leave their house for weeks. They work from home, they get everything delivered to their door and they communicate with people only online and in less extreme cases, people are still only interacting with others face to face a couple of times a week, and for most of us, our circle of social interactions have significantly reduced over the past few years significantly reduced over the past few years. Now, as human beings, we are inherently social creatures. Our need for connection is ingrained in us from birth. As babies, we rely on our care takers for survival. Not only can a child's emotional development be hindered by lack of social connection, but the physical growth of their brains can as well. This can lead to an increased risk of depression and anxiety, and could contribute to learning and memory impairments. As we grow older, our relationships with others continue to shape us both emotionally and psychologically. Research has shown that social connection is vital for our overall well-being and can have a significant impact on various aspects of our life. As our social interactions diminish, rates of loneliness are on the rise. Mental health issues and stress are becoming more prevalent. In 2023, nearly half of adults in the UK reported feeling lonely at least occasionally, and around 7.1% of people in the UK experience chronic loneliness, meaning they feel lonely often or always. In the US, 34% of people reported feelings of loneliness.

Speaker 1:

Loneliness isn't just an emotional state. It has significant effects on our physical and mental health. For example, it impacts our stress hormones. Elevated cortisol levels can impair cognitive performance and compromise the immune system. Mental health loneliness is a risk factor for serious mental health issues like depression and anxiety, sleep disturbances. Socially isolated individuals may experience less restful sleep. It can impact our eating regulation, so isolation can lead to decreased ability to regulate eating patterns.

Speaker 1:

Premature death Researchers have found that loneliness is as lethal as smoking 15 cigarettes per day. Lonely people are 50% more likely to die prematurely than those with healthy social relationships and increased stress. So financial trouble, health problems and everyday obstacles take a bigger emotional toll on those who lack social support and emotional support. I think we may have gotten ourselves into a little bit of a vicious cycle of not going out and socialising with others. This then leads to an impact on our overall mood and emotions, which then increases feelings of anxiousness and having fewer positive emotions. This then leads us to not wanting to go out or visit friends or be around others, and the longer this cycle goes on, the harder it gets to find a way out.

Speaker 1:

But how can you gauge if you have good social health? So researchers suggest that signs of poor social health include feelings of being disconnected from others, that feeling of isolation, difficulty building relationships, struggling to form meaningful connections, increased conflict in relationships, frequent arguments or misunderstandings, that feeling of lack of support system, not having a reliable network of people to turn to when we may need some help Feeling unwanted, believing that others don't value your presence. Neglecting social activities, so avoiding or cancelling social gatherings, parties or even that one-to-one meal with a friend. And there's also physical symptoms experiencing fatigue, headaches or changes in appetite. But on the flip side, signs that you're probably on the right track include that kind of balance of alone and social time, so knowing how to stay connected, but whilst also taking care of yourself. Assertive communication, so being able to set healthy boundaries without negative emotions. Being yourself feeling comfortable and accepted in your relationships. Respect for others, treating others with respect, indicates your social needs are met. Having fun, making time for playful and social activities. Community participation, so volunteering and engaging in your community. And a strong social network network, so having people to lean on during those tough times.

Speaker 1:

However, not all relationships are equal. There are different types of relationships which are important for a good social health, and not all of our relationships need to be deep and meaningful. Relationships can come in all shapes and sizes, for example, family relationships. These are the first and often most significant relationships we have, shaping our sense of self and belonging. Now these can either be family of origin or chosen family, with the latter often being more supportive Friendships. These are the voluntary relationships that bring joy, support and companionship to our lives. Romantic relationships, intimate relationships with a partner, can provide emotional fulfillment and support, but they're not the only form of meaningful connection. Professional relationships involving colleagues, mentors or superiors can bring growth and opportunities to our careers.

Speaker 1:

Sexual relationships Now these can be separate from or part of a romantic relationship. Community relationships being involved in a community, whether it's a neighbourhood, religious group or a hobby club, can promote a sense of belonging and purpose. Then you have location-based relationships, so having people you know, who live in proximity, can be helpful in moments of need, for example, a neighbour to borrow that cup of sugar, or a parent from your child's school. And then there's acquaintances. These are casual relationships that may not be deep but can still provide social interaction and fun for example, the barista in your local coffee shop. And it's important to have a balance of these different types of relationships for good social health. Focusing on focusing too much on one type may lead to neglecting other important aspects of our social lives. Additionally, having a diverse network of relationships allow us to receive support and fulfillment from different sources. It's also important to remember that relationships can change and evolve over time. Acquaintances can become friends, and it's also natural for some friendships to fade or for romantic relationships to end. But instead of dwelling on the loss, it's important to cherish the memories and lessons learned from those relationships and move on to create new connections with others.

Speaker 1:

As humans, we do change and sometimes our relationships do not evolve with us. For example, when we change jobs, we may stay in contact with one or two people, but our relationships with our former colleagues may not be as strong. Now, just because we decide to walk away from a relationship doesn't mean that it was a bad relationship. It can just be that life circumstances have changed and our priorities are different. However, I do want to just say here that not all relationships are healthy. Some relationships are not good for our health and they can be toxic. Now, signs of a toxic relationship include attempts to control your behaviour, avoidance and lack of communication, feeling pressured to change who you are, lack of fairness and respect, poor communication and unequal control. Now, toxic relationships can be stressful, harmful and even abusive. Now, if you think you're in a toxic relationship with someone in your life, work on creating strong boundaries to protect yourself, talk to a mental health professional or consider terminating the relationship if it is causing you harm.

Speaker 1:

And remember, a toxic relationship is not just a romantic relationship. It can be a friend, family member, colleague or even in your wider social circle. On the flip side, your healthy relationships deserve your attention and your time. A healthy relationship is one that is mutually beneficial. They can be characterised as having trust and honesty, dependability and loyalty, empathy and non-judgment, good communication and support, fun and humour. Furthermore, it's important to understand that relationships require effort and communication from both parties. This means actively listening, being understanding and empathetic and respecting boundaries. It can also mean being open and honest in expressing our needs and concerns.

Speaker 1:

In order to maintain healthy relationships, it's crucial to prioritise self-care. This includes taking care of our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual wellbeing. When we're in a good place ourselves, we are better equipped to nurture and maintain positive relationships with others. But what does research say about how many social interactions or friends should we have Now? Having a large number of friends in your 20s can improve the quality of your relationships in your 30s and can contribute to a greater psychological well-being in midlife. Research shows that maintaining even one strong friendship significantly benefits our mental health and well-being, instead of trying to maintain numerous friendships, focusing on a few close friendships can be more impactful. According to science, humans can sustain approximately 150 meaningful social relationships, a concept known as Dunbar's number. However, close friendships typically amount to around five individuals. Cultivating deep connections demands a significant time investment it's around 200 hours per person Now. These intimate bonds are marked by authenticity, mutual support and resilience, often surpassing the superficial ties found on social media. Arsing the superficial ties found on social media. True friendships are reciprocal, offering comfort and genuine care that online interactions simply cannot replace.

Speaker 1:

Now, it's one thing to say you have friends, but it's another to actually spend time with them. To deepen select friendships and elevate them to close friend level, you need to share time and space. Your closest friends are likely those you see regularly and do fun activities with. Being available and having the energy to hang out are key to who makes it into the inner circle. Having a routine like attending a weekly yoga class or grabbing a coffee before work ensures you see each other regularly. Knowing what's going on in a person's life from week to week or month to month helps you connect better and gives you chances to follow up with a quick text between hangouts. Also, each close friend can fulfill a different role in your life. One friend may be the one you talk to about work stuff, another you confide in for relationship advice. There's not going to be one single friend or relationship that covers all those bases.

Speaker 1:

Now I learned social connection was key to a good life when I moved country for my then boyfriend's job. I landed in Madrid with no job, no friends and no family. My boyfriend often travelled for work, so I was stuck at home with no social support. Now, for the first few months my time was taken up with settling into a new country, sorting a place to live, bringing our worldly possessions from the UK and navigating a new city. But I soon felt lonely, especially as I did not speak Spanish, so I couldn't even have those micro connections with a shop assistant. We also didn't have children, so meeting parents at the school gates was not an option. I decided I needed to meet people, so I joined Spanish classes. I found an English-speaking yoga class. I searched Facebook and websites for local expat groups. I said yes to every invite. I literally dated to find friends.

Speaker 1:

Now I learned a lot about making friends. The biggest lesson was that not everyone you meet would become a friend, and I don't mean that they don't like you. You're just not their people. I learned that the more you put yourself out there, the quicker you meet people. You need to be consistent with people and stick to commitments. One of the best ways to meet people is friends of friends. Say yes to events, even if the person inviting you is not your kind of person. And, most importantly, as an adult, it is harder to make new friends because we are more self-conscious. But it is possible and most people are open to making a new friend.

Speaker 1:

Now, even though I've now moved back to the UK, I keep in contact with some of my friends from this time. All bar one has now moved home and we are spread all over the UK and some in the US. I obviously see them infrequently or we're in contact just by email or social media. They are an example of how friendships change. Our location changed. We all have different priorities Now. I wish them all well and I will always be grateful for their friendship, as they contributed to my time in Madrid and I have so many fond memories of that time. However, one of these friends is now like family. She moved to London, originally from the US, a couple of years after we returned, and due to our friendship, she ended up settling in the same town. We literally live 10 minutes from each other and we see each other weekly. Now I tell this story as living proof that you can make friends as an adult. So if you're feeling lonely, remember it's never too late to make a new friend. But it takes effort and commitment, but it is so worth it in the end.

Speaker 1:

Friends and relationships do come and go. The intensity of certain friendships change over time. I've had friendships that have lasted the test of time. Now we may not always have been able to be part of each other's lives as much as we have liked, but we've always been a support to each other. And then there are other friends that have disappeared from my life, and at times I do miss these people. But rather than dwell on why we are no longer friends or why we no longer have a relationship, I look back on the time that we had and I'm so grateful for the good times. I'm so grateful for how they made a positive impact on my life and I'm so grateful that I had a chance to call them a friend. All of my friends old, new, past and present have made me the person I am today. This also includes past romantic relationships. Even the bad ones taught me something about myself, mainly what I didn't want in a romantic relationship, but they definitely made me a stronger person for it and I'm truly grateful for that. I also know that I'm probably in one or two people's bad relationship pot, but I hope they feel the same way about me.

Speaker 1:

So how can you go about being more socially active Now? Some of the tips I have would be number one get outside, walk around your neighborhood and, rather than be stuck on your phone or listening to music, be aware of your surroundings. Maybe even smile at people and say hi. Interact with others when out and about. Maybe ditch the self checkout or chat with the person making your coffee. You could even offer to walk a friend's or neighbor's dog. Dog walkers always chat to each other. Secondly, find a local hobby group to join, be it a knitting circle, walking club, sports team, book club, religious group there will be something out there for you. You can often find the info of these groups in local notice boards and community spaces, on your local council website or Facebook groups.

Speaker 1:

Three, be proactive and reach out to friends, especially ones you haven't seen in a while. Get some dates in the diary. I did this the other day. I put time in my diary and listed a few people that I wanted to reach out to. By the end of the day, I had three new dates in the diary. Four have a date night if you're in a romantic relationship, even if it is a home-cooked meal and a movie. We can all get in a rut with romantic relationships. We may even live together, but quality time is important.

Speaker 1:

Sign up to a class Now. This could be a one-off class, such as an intro to pottery making, or a regular class, such as yoga. Now this year I did an intro to rug making at a local hall. I had booked the day for me and a friend. There was a group of about six of us and everyone else there came alone. It was great fun. I got to meet new people and learn a new skill. Host a small gathering, maybe a family or friend's brunch. It doesn't have to be something too big and it may just last an hour or two. Also, if you don't want to do all the room, maybe a family or friend's brunch. It doesn't have to be something too big and it may just last an hour or two. Also, if you don't want to do all the work, make it a potluck event where everyone brings a dish. And if you don't have enough space at your home, then why not suggest a picnic? And lastly, number seven volunteer. Find a volunteer opportunity.

Speaker 1:

When I was studying for my masters, I knew that I was going to spend a lot of time on my own with my head in a book. So during that year I decided that I needed a commitment to make sure that I left the house at least once a week, and this was before Covid. I volunteered for two initiatives. One was I went and spent an hour with an older lady that was bed bound. I just needed some company. We had a nice chat once a week. The second hour, I mentored a young lady that was going through a few issues at home and school. Again, we met in a local coffee shop once a week and again just had a chat. Both opportunities got me out of the house. I got to talk to someone other than my dogs, I got to take a break from studying without feeling guilty, and it was so rewarding. Now, if you can't commit to a weekly thing, then look for ad hoc projects. There are loads of opportunities. Now I know for some of us, I know that social anxiety is a big thing and it is something that can be really hard to deal with. So for you that are suffering, I really encourage you to work on this, as being social can really improve your overall well-being.

Speaker 1:

Overcoming social anxiety is achievable with some practical strategies, and here are eight techniques that may be able to help you. Number one talk with a therapist. Seek professional support. A therapist can offer insights, coping strategies and guidance. Consider group therapy or support groups for practice.

Speaker 1:

Identify your triggers. Explore specific situations that trigger anxiety. Pinpoint when and why you feel most anxious. Challenge negative thoughts. Work on realistic thinking. Challenge and reframe negative thoughts related to social interactions. Practice gradual exposure. Start small, gradually introduce yourself to anxiety inducing situations and be consistent. The more you do something, the easier it does become. Role-play scenarios Practice social interactions through role-play. It can help build your confidence. Relaxation techniques Learn relaxation methods like deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation. Limit alcohol Alcohol can exasperate anxiety. Be mindful of its impact and, lastly, be kind to yourself. Acknowledge progress and practice self-compassion. And that brings us to the end of today's episode.

Speaker 1:

We've delved into the complexities of social connection, examining its profound impact on our mental and physical well-being, and we've explored practical strategies to cultivate meaningful relationships in our lives. As we've discussed, the modern world presents unique challenges to maintaining strong social bonds, but it's clear that prioritising these connections is crucial for a fulfilling life. Remember, fostering social connections doesn't require grand gestures. Simple acts like smiling at a neighbour, joining a local group or reaching out to an old friend can make a significant difference. Each step you take to connect with others not only enriches your own life, but also contributes to the well-being of others and your community. If you're feeling isolated or lonely, know that it's never too late to build a new friendship or strengthen existing ones. It may take effort and time and persistence, but the rewards are immeasurable. Healthy relationships do provide support, joy and a sense of belonging that are essential to our happiness.

Speaker 1:

I'd like to thank you for joining me this week on this journey of understanding and improving our social connections. I hope you found this discussion insightful and inspiring. If you have any thoughts, questions or stories you'd like to share, please reach out. I'd love to hear from you. You can reach me on Instagram at Claire4Living. Until next time, stay connected, stay healthy and remember that you are never alone. Take care and I'll see you in the next episode.