Me, Myself & My Best-Self

From Hesitant to Heroic: The Alter Ego Advantage

• Claire Bennett • Episode 8

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Ever wondered how embodying an alter ego could transform your confidence and self-discipline?

Discover the secrets behind this powerful psychological tool as I, Claire Bennett, recount my journey of reigniting passion for podcasting after a hiatus. Inspired by a recent coaching session, I explore how stepping into an alter ego could help navigate life's challenges more effectively. Learn from the examples of icons like Beyonce and Rafael Nadal, and understand the research-backed benefits of alter egos, including the Batman effect and self-distancing techniques.

In this episode, I also dive into the creation of an empowering podcaster alter ego to boost productivity and self-assurance. Tune in to hear how adopting a polished appearance and an empowered stance can break free from self-imposed limitations. Drawing lessons from Mel Robbins' visualization techniques, I reveal how visualizing the actions required to achieve your goals can be more effective than merely picturing the end results. Finally, discover how tapping into a relaxed, confident holiday persona can bring more joy and effectiveness into your daily routine. Don't miss out on these actionable insights and personal anecdotes that will inspire you to become a healthier, more confident version of yourself.

Speaker 1:

Welcome to Me, myself and my Best Self, the podcast where we navigate the labyrinth of personal growth with a relaxed and realistic approach. I'm Claire Bennett, your host, okay, so, yes, let's address the elephant in the room. So my last podcast was back in January it was the 2nd of January to be precise, and I can give you lots of excuses about my absence, but in truth, I let life get in the way and I lost motivation, but I never stopped wanting to do a podcast and I still have a lot to say and, in truth, it has taken me this long to regain the motivation to get back on it Now this week. The inspiration for this podcast came from a coaching session that I had last week, for this podcast came from a coaching session that I had last week. Now, my client, in a certain context for the sake of anonymity, I'm going to say when they're on holiday. So when they're on holiday, they are confident, they value themselves, they feel safe, they have healthy boundaries and they're not afraid to say what they want. However, in other contexts of their life, they struggle to be this version of themselves and they had a situation during the week where they wished that they had done things differently and that they had been more like the version of themselves when they're on holiday. Now we wrote down all the positive attributes about themselves when they're on holiday and we discussed the issue about the event that didn't go well.

Speaker 1:

Now, in that moment, I was pondering about how to move forward with the session. Should we look at limiting beliefs about that situation? Should we look at expectations of that situation, etc. Etc. And then this one question kept going around in my head and I asked the client what would they have done on holiday? So what would they have done that their versions of themselves would have done differently? So this created this actually created an aha moment for my client. We then re-looked at the difficult situation and how they would have dealt with it if they were the holiday version of themselves. This also created a tactic that they could use going forward. If they had a situation that they were not happy with, they could ask themselves what would I do on holiday? Could help them embody their version of themselves. That could help them deal with situations in line with how they wanted to act, with a different mindset.

Speaker 1:

Now this led me to the concept. I started to do some research. It led me to a concept called alter egos, and the more I researched this topic, the more I realised that it could be something that ties in well with how I'm going to approach this whole podcasting thing going forward. Now, I'm not talking superheroes. I'm talking about us, mere mortals, using an alter ego to help us live the life that we want. Now, famous people like David Bowie, beyonce and Adele have all used alter egos. David Bowie had many, but the most famous is Ziggy Stardust, beyonce had Sasha Fierce and Adele had Sasha Carter. And it's not just pop stars that use this technique. Apparently, tennis star Rafael Nadal spends five minutes in front of the mirror stepping into his alter ego before every match. Rafa off the court may be a very kind and humble human being, but his alter ego on the court is an absolute killer.

Speaker 1:

Although the embodiment of fictional persona may seem like a gimmick for pop stars and sports stars, there is actually research that suggests that there may be some real psychological benefit to this strategy. So if we take a few minutes to kind of look at what this research shows, so Professor Ethan Cross from the University of Michigan gave children a difficult puzzle and tasks to solve. Now they found that the children that were asked to pretend that they were their favourite superhero or fictional character, actually performed better. They persisted longer and experienced less frustration. They went on to dub this the Batman effect.

Speaker 1:

Now, in another experiment, they asked a group of adults to give a brief public talk. They asked the participants to work through their emotions about the challenge using the third person. So instead of saying I feel, they said Claire feels. They found that this distancing practice not only reduced subjective ratings of emotion, but also objective measures such as changes in heart rate and blood pressure, which are often associated with high stressful events. The participants that did this strategy were also rated at having better talks by independent observers. So, as well as being able to boost confidence, some research has shown that it might be able to help us with self-control and hey, we all need a little bit of self-control. So they asked participants to practice this self-distancing as they were faced with the choice of various kinds of foods, for example, fruit compared to candy. When participants practiced asking themselves what does Claire want rather than what do I want, they were more likely to choose the healthier option.

Speaker 1:

Now, ethan and his team suspect that part of the magic behind this effect being able to self-distance is in the ability to step back and think about our experience without the emotional attachment. So, if you think about it, distancing ourselves from our emotions might not always be a bad thing. So if I was going to create an alter ego to help me stop snacking or to improve my diet, then I start to think about the type of person that I would need to become For example, someone that values my health, someone that cares about how I nourish my body, someone that can eat one chocolate biscuit and then put the packet away. Someone that loves cooking healthy meals, someone that went out for dinner, chooses a healthy option or at least a semi-healthy option, someone that plans their weekly meals, someone that eats mindfully, etc. Etc.

Speaker 1:

And this also reminds me of a coaching technique that I sometimes use. So, when someone is trying to work through a problem, what I do is ask them to work through a problem as if they were talking to a friend. Now, the key to this is the language that you use. When you use words like you and your, rather than me and my, we're actually activating different parts of our brain than me and my. We're actually activating different parts of our brain the parts we normally use to think about other people, and we're often much better at helping other people work through problems than we are about thinking through our own problems. So I know that I sometimes talk to myself in this third person like, come on, you can do this. Or come on, get your lazy ass out of bed.

Speaker 1:

But and I think to some extent, we all have alter egos, right, we may be different people in different contexts, and this has probably happened without much conscious thought. So why not start consciously using it to become the person that you want to be in certain contexts? So maybe when setting a goal, or next time you have to do a presentation that is maybe making you anxious, or next time you have to do a presentation that is maybe making you anxious, think about creating an alter ego, a version of yourself that is capable of achieving the goal or is super excited about the presentation. So how do you show up as your alternate self? So you have a goal that you want to achieve. Decide what type of person would be able to get that result.

Speaker 1:

Write down all the characteristics of that alter ego what this person looks like, what this person dresses like, how they behave and speak although I wouldn't recommend you changing your accent. What I mean here is the language that you use, how they carry themselves, how they deal with other people, what are their habits, what are their mindsets and when it comes to be that alter ego, take on all their characteristics. For example, if your goal is to get that promotion to manager, then become manager, claire. It is a bit like faking it until you make it. Now this might all seem a little bit false but and a bit unauthentic. But naturally we are different in different contexts and that is okay. Identity is not fixed and this also doesn't mean that we're not being authentically us. Often we think that our authentic self is this one thing, but in truth, if we are dealing with people and situations with integrity, in line with our values and from good intentions, then that is us being authentic.

Speaker 1:

And if we look at this thing called confidence, most people I know would like to be more confident in certain aspects of their life. Everyone has anxiety or mistrust about themselves in certain situations. So what is confidence? Confidence is a belief in oneself, the conviction that one has the ability to meet life's challenges and to succeed and the willingness to act accordingly. So if we do have anxiety or limiting beliefs about our abilities in certain situations, then maybe the art of distancing ourselves emotionally can help us prove to ourselves that we can do it. And if the way to do this is by creating an alter ego, then why not? We're not doing something that we don't want to do. We are just creating the will to act accordingly. Also, just like Beyonce, this alter ego doesn't have to be here forever. Beyonce declared back in 2010 that she no longer needed Sasha Fierce. She had grown into the person Sasha had helped her to become that sassy, confident performer that is now Beyonce.

Speaker 1:

Now, when I think about alter egos, there are some reservations. This shouldn't be used to run away from our emotions. We should still do the work on ourselves, for example, releasing limiting beliefs, facing our fears, etc. And we should not create alter egos that are not aligned to our values. We should not create alter egos to please someone else. It has to come from us and it has to be someone that we want to be, not someone that we think society or others want us to be. Also, don't try and use an alter ego to replace you. An alter ego is something that you tap in and out of. Start small and use it in certain situations.

Speaker 1:

So, for me, I really want to do this thing called podcasting. So, if I think about it, I need to be someone that is consistent, someone that records and delivers a podcast every week, no matter what. I need to be someone that is constantly taking time to think about podcast ideas, that have a note on my phone to capture any inspirations. I need to be confident, relaxed, fun and energetic. I also want to be funny. I can be funny, honest, but I also need to consider my habits. When am I going to record? I need to give myself time in the week to work on this. I need to make sure that I'm surrounding myself with inspiration, be it people, places, books, research, journals, podcasts, films or TV.

Speaker 1:

So, to help me do this, I've been listening to some podcasts over the last few weeks, and when I think about podcasters that I admire, the two that come to mind are Francesca Amber and Mel Robbins. I particularly like the vibe of Francesca, as she is funny, honest and relaxed. I listen to her on a Friday morning whilst making breakfast and, to be fair, it's like listening to a good friend. I also love Mel Robbins, who has amazing knowledge. She is super easy to listen to. She has some amazing guests and she's professionally relaxed.

Speaker 1:

So this week I'm going to sit with this and create my podcaster alter ego, imagining my alter ego recording a podcast, and I'll play around with postures and how I dress and the emotions that I feel and then build in the habits that I need. Now, thinking about this has also kind of brought up a couple of other little nuggets to mind. So I'm a firm believer that if you feel good, you do good, and what I mean by this is when I dress in nice clothes now I'm not talking ball gowns per se, but when I'm in something other than my sweatpants, when I've done my makeup, when my hair looks good, I feel better and often it makes me more productive, I have more energy. So when thinking about this alter ego, also think about how they show up in the world. Now I'm not saying that your alter ego needs a whole new wardrobe, but start dressing to feel good rather than just comfy. Make sure you make time to get yourself in, to make yourself feel like you can face the world. And again, there's lots of research on this topic. But, just to let you know, I'm here recording this podcast with my makeup on, with my hair done. I'm standing. I'm not sitting. For some reason, this helps me feel more empowered.

Speaker 1:

And the second little nugget that I had was I listened to a Mel Robbins podcast a few weeks ago and it was called how to manifest anything. You want four simple steps backed by neuroscience and Olympic athletes. It's a really interesting podcast and I'd recommend listening to it. But one step that she talks about is using visualization and how most people are using this incorrectly when they are trying to achieve something. Now, there's lots of research on visualisation and the benefits it has on realising your goals, and I'll definitely do a podcast on this in the future.

Speaker 1:

But what's really important was that Mel advised that most of us are visualising incorrectly. We are often told to visualise the end goal, so imagine ourselves with the new house, driving the new car, earning that increased salary at the finish line of a marathon, if that's your thing, but that doesn't really help us to achieve the goal. What we should be doing is visualising the actions that we need to take to achieve that goal. Now she gave the example of it's 5am and it's raining outside and you visualise yourself getting your running gear on and heading out the door to do a marathon training run by yourself. This then primes your brain. This then primes your brain. So when you do have to wake up at 5am for real and it's raining and you need to do that run, you technically have already done the action before, because our brains cannot tell the difference between reality and visualisation.

Speaker 1:

So when I'm thinking about this alter ego and what they're doing and how they're acting, it's not about the end goal of me being a number one podcaster. It's actually the actions that I need to do to get me to that goal. So what I would suggest is think about something you want and I'd recommend, with just one thing, or it could get confusing with all these alter egos, but for you, maybe it's that promotion, maybe it is improving your health. It could be starting, or in my case, restarting that podcast. It could be running that marathon or it could be meeting that special someone. Now start role-playing as your alter ego. Have fun with it, but if you stick with it, your alter ego may end up showing you what you're capable of.

Speaker 1:

Stepping into the world of an alter ego can be a way to consciously reconstruct our own identities and rewrite the stories of ourselves. So use it as a tool to grow in confidence, to engage in self-distancing, to perform more creatively and find new ways to express yourself. The evidence makes a strong case for adopting an alter ego. It can be incredibly empowering, helping us to break free from the limitations imposed by us or our insecurities, or by society. So I'm definitely excited to try this one and I'm going to see what happens and I'll keep you updated. I also think it could be quite fun.

Speaker 1:

So, according to, let's go back to a bit of research. So, according to Rachel White, who is an assistant professor of psychology at Hamilton College in New York State, self-distancing gives us a little bit of extra space to think rationally about the situation. It allows us to rein in undesirable feelings like anxiety, increases our perseverance on challenging tasks and boosts our self-control. So what's not to love about creating an alter ego? Love about creating an alter ego.

Speaker 1:

And maybe it's not about creating a whole new persona. Maybe it's creating that holiday version of you. Maybe when you're on holiday, you are more relaxed, you're nicer to your husband, you're more engaging with your children, you have the confidence to dress how you want, you are relaxed, you read books, you do this, you do that. Maybe it's about tapping into a version that already exists of you and maybe just giving it a name, and when you come into those challenging situations or when all you think that actually holiday me would be really good in this situation at work, maybe embody that version of you. Now I would love to know if any of you do this. If you try it, send me a DM or message me and let you know how you get on. So thank you for joining me on this episode. Hope you enjoy creating your alter egos and if you found value in our discussion, don't forget to subscribe, share and leave a review. You can also follow me on instagram at clairefullliving. So until next week, keep thriving on your journey.